s0e1: Original Pilot - Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal
In the original filming of the pilot Blythe Danner played Evelyn Harper, but due to her schedule she decided to drop out of the show and was later replaced by Holland Taylor.
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
s1e1: Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
Monday, September 29th, 2003
s1e2: Big Flappy Bastards
While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, and Charlie gets very upset. This prompts Jake to try and get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores for Judith, in the hopes of them getting back together. During one of the tasks, Judith kisses Alan, leading him to believe that things will get back to the way they once were.
Monday, October 6th, 2003
s1e3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of misery, as he realizes he's losing his wife, and son. Charlie suggests that they go drinking, and Alan agrees. After drinking the boys take a cab home, but at one point they end up at their mothers, where they try to tell her what they think of her, but fail in getting the point across.
Monday, October 13th, 2003
s1e4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of housekeeper, but this situation doesn't work at all. So Alan decides to get the housekeeper to come back. Before Alan leaves, he puts Charlie in charge of getting Jake ready for a dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to move on, and date other men. He finds both situations to be bigger challenges then he first thought.
Monday, October 20th, 2003
s1e5: The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charlie sets up a play-date with an unattached mother named Kate, and they hit it off. During one of their dates, Charlie seems like he's ready for a serious relation. Alan sets up a meeting with Gloria (one of the soccer moms) to write a soccer newsletter, but Gloria has other intentions for the evening, and he has no idea. During the evening another soccer mom, Brooke, tries to move in on Gloria's plans.
Monday, October 27th, 2003
s1e6: Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with not being able to talk to Charlie, that she decides to drop in while in the neighborhood. She invites them to dinner, to meet her new boyfriend (Tommy). When the brothers get over to their mothers house, Charlie is shocked to realize that Tommy's daughter is Olivia, one of the people he has been avoiding. Olivia tries to confront Charlie about their situation, but doesn't get the answer she wants, and throws a drink in his face, then storms off. After a week of not being able to contact their mother, Alan gets worried about her. So the brothers decide to go to her house and see if she's okay. They find her sitting in the dark and drinking, and she informs them that Tommy dumped her for a younger women. Later the brothers get Jake to try and cheer her up.
Monday, November 3rd, 2003
s1e7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking around his place half naked. Then Alan gets worried about Judith after she becomes friends with the surfer girl.
Monday, November 10th, 2003
s1e8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful
Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.
Monday, November 17th, 2003
s1e9: Phase One, Complete
After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn't like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further their relationship, and he has no intention to keep it going. It gets to the point were Wendy even starts spending time with Evelyn, and Charlie becomes desperate to get rid of Wendy. After Charlie breaks it off Jake becomes very unhappy with him, because he won't be able to see Wendy anymore. This forces Charlie to confront Jake and explain the situation as best as he can. Rose sees that Alan knows how to play scrabble, and asks him to teach her to play, he agrees. During the scrabble games the two bond, and Charlie suspects that she is using Alan to get closer to him, but doesn't pursue the issue.
Monday, November 24th, 2003
s1e10: Merry Thanksgiving
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner
Monday, December 15th, 2003
s1e11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan is as cool as Judith; prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he's going to have to change his look as well.
Monday, January 5th, 2004
s1e12: Camel Filters + Pheromones
When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
s1e13: Sarah Like Puny Alan
Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who's a hot soap opera actress, and needs Alan to come along. The problem is that Alan gets sick from Jake, so Charlie takes them to a steam room to help Alan get rid of his flu symptoms. This backfires, as Charlie also gets sick, but he has no intentions of canceling the date.
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
s1e14: I Can't Afford Hyenas
Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.
Monday, February 9th, 2004
s1e15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.
Monday, February 16th, 2004
s1e16: That Was Saliva, Alan
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
Monday, February 23rd, 2004
s1e17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Monday, March 1st, 2004
s1e18: An Old Flame With a New Wick
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Monday, March 22nd, 2004
s1e19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.
Monday, April 19th, 2004
s1e20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she suggests that they send Jake to a therapist. Alan doesn't agree at first, but after thinking about it, he believes it might not be such a bad idea.
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
s1e21: No Sniffing, No Wowing
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.
Monday, May 10th, 2004
s1e22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.
Monday, May 17th, 2004
s1e23: Just Like Buffalo
Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Monday, May 24th, 2004
s1e24: Can You Feel My Finger?
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Monday, September 20th, 2004
s2e1: Back Off, Mary Poppins
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
Monday, September 27th, 2004
s2e2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
Monday, October 4th, 2004
s2e3: A Bag Full of Jawea
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts fail every time.
Monday, October 11th, 2004
s2e4: Go Get Mommy's Bra
Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, because she wants to sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, he discovers his mother's bra in the backseat. When he finds out why it's there he decides to trade in his car.
Monday, October 18th, 2004
s2e5: Bad News from the Clinic?
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.
Monday, October 25th, 2004
s2e6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.
Monday, November 8th, 2004
s2e7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.
Monday, November 15th, 2004
s2e8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After knowing Nancy for a few days Alan decides to ask her to marry him, prompting Charlie to try and talk him out of it, and he even gets help from the brothers' mother.
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
s2e9: Yes, Monsignor
When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.
Monday, November 29th, 2004
s2e10: The Salmon Under My Sweater
Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Jake is a fan. While Alan finds out more about Rose (including how smart she is), when he spends more time with her.
Monday, December 13th, 2004
s2e11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.
Monday, January 3rd, 2005
s2e12: A Lungful of Alan
Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.
Monday, January 17th, 2005
s2e13: Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.
Monday, January 31st, 2005
s2e14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get their attention she ends up in the hospital. When Alan and Charlie show up at the hospital they aren't sure if she's faking, and try to call her bluff.
Monday, February 7th, 2005
s2e15: Smell the Umbrella Stand
Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.
Monday, February 14th, 2005
s2e16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.
Monday, February 21st, 2005
s2e17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a history with her that he can't remember. Berta is feed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly, so she decides to make him clean it until he learns.
Monday, March 7th, 2005
s2e18: It Was 'Mame', Mom
Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.
Monday, March 21st, 2005
s2e19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.
Monday, April 18th, 2005
s2e20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
s2e21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the opportunity of seeing a "dead guy". Charlie is excited by the opportunity of a newly single widow, and Alan is just happy to pay his respects to Harry.
Monday, May 9th, 2005
s2e22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, double date with her, her new beau and his daughter. At the restaurant, Alan learns that his mother and boyfriend will not be able to join them because there was a mixup between his heart medication and Viagra and she didn't want to "waste it". As a result, Alan is left to deal with the daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab center and still has some loose screws. Alan eventually gets her back to the beach house only to have her drive off in his new sports car and become the object of a televised high-speed car chase.
Monday, May 16th, 2005
s2e23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.
Monday, May 23rd, 2005
s2e24: Does This Smell Funny to You?
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.
Monday, September 19th, 2005
s3e1: Weekend In Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.
Monday, September 26th, 2005
s3e2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.
Monday, October 3rd, 2005
s3e3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.
Monday, October 10th, 2005
s3e4: Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them
Monday, October 17th, 2005
s3e5: We Called It Mr. Pinky
Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.
Monday, October 24th, 2005
s3e6: Hi, Mr. Horned One
Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
Monday, November 7th, 2005
s3e7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father (Martin Sheen), comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.
Monday, November 14th, 2005
s3e8: That Voodoo That I Do Do
Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.
Monday, November 21st, 2005
s3e9: Madame and Her Special Friend
One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.
Monday, November 28th, 2005
s3e10: Something Salted and Twisted
Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.
Monday, December 19th, 2005
s3e11: Santa's Village of the Damned
Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.
Monday, January 9th, 2006
s3e12: That Special Tug
Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
s3e13: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.
Monday, February 6th, 2006
s3e14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
Monday, February 27th, 2006
s3e15: My Tongue is Meat
Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.
Monday, March 6th, 2006
s3e16: Ergo, the Booty Call
Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.
Monday, March 13th, 2006
s3e17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.
Monday, March 20th, 2006
s3e18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.
Monday, April 10th, 2006
s3e19: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.
Monday, April 24th, 2006
s3e20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.
Monday, May 1st, 2006
s3e21: And the Plot Moistens
Jake’s teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.
Monday, May 8th, 2006
s3e22: Just Once With Aunt Sophie
A girl from Jake’s school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.
Monday, May 15th, 2006
s3e23: Arguments for the Quickie
Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.
Monday, May 22nd, 2006
s3e24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.
Monday, September 18th, 2006
s4e1: Working for Caligula
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a breakdown after his divorce from Kandi.
Monday, September 25th, 2006
s4e2: Who's Vod Kanockers?
Charlie finally tells Alan the truth about why he did not marry Mia. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbour.
Monday, October 2nd, 2006
s4e3: The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.
Monday, October 9th, 2006
s4e4: A Pot Smoking Monkey
Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.
Monday, October 16th, 2006
s4e5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage may be derailed due to Jake’s dislike of his mother’s fiancé.
Monday, October 23rd, 2006
s4e6: Apologies for the Frivolity
Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother’s.
Monday, November 6th, 2006
s4e7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Berta's daughter, Naomi, is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby’s father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.
Monday, November 13th, 2006
s4e8: Release the Dogs
Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch), who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.
Monday, November 20th, 2006
s4e9: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first time.
Monday, November 27th, 2006
s4e10: Kissing Abe Lincoln
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper; Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo, but sex keeps getting in the way.
Monday, December 11th, 2006
s4e11: Walnuts and Demerol
Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.
Monday, January 8th, 2007
s4e12: Castrating Sheep in Montana
Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
Monday, January 22nd, 2007
s4e13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
Monday, February 5th, 2007
s4e14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (Brooke Shields)..
Monday, February 12th, 2007
s4e15: My Damn Stalker
Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.
Monday, February 19th, 2007
s4e16: Young People Have Phlegm Too
Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that they are considered as being "old".
Monday, February 26th, 2007
s4e17: I Merely Slept with a Commie
After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend’s funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.
Monday, March 19th, 2007
s4e18: It Never Rains in Hooterville
Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes that his childhood is almost over. Kandi pursues a career in acting.
Monday, April 9th, 2007
s4e19: Smooth as a Ken Doll
Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.
Monday, April 16th, 2007
s4e20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
s4e21: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Alan and Charlie re-examine their sexual identities after Alan befriends Greg, a gay man. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.
Monday, April 30th, 2007
s4e22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Jake gets lucky after Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan has a difficult time at the DMV.
Monday, May 7th, 2007
s4e23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin
Charlie is shocked when the handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe's affections. Alan has no sympathy for Charlie’s distress.
Monday, May 14th, 2007
s4e24: Prostitutes and Gelato
Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'
Monday, September 24th, 2007
s5e1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.
Monday, October 1st, 2007
s5e2: Media Room Slash Dungeon
Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.
Monday, October 8th, 2007
s5e3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Alan's ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.
Monday, October 15th, 2007
s5e4: City of Great Racks
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
s5e5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
s5e6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
Monday, November 5th, 2007
s5e7: The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.
Monday, November 12th, 2007
s5e8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Charlie writes a children’s song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.
Monday, November 19th, 2007
s5e9: Tight's Good
Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.
Monday, November 26th, 2007
s5e10: Kinda Like Necrophilia
Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.
Monday, March 17th, 2008
s5e11: Meander to Your Dander
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
Monday, March 24th, 2008
s5e12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.
Monday, March 31st, 2008
s5e13: The Soil Is Moist
Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.
Monday, April 14th, 2008
s5e14: Winky-Dink Time
Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.
Monday, April 21st, 2008
s5e15: Rough Night In Hump Junction
Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.
Monday, April 28th, 2008
s5e16: Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.
Monday, May 5th, 2008
s5e17: Fish in a Drawer
CSI's investigate a death at Charlie's house.
Monday, May 12th, 2008
s5e18: If My Hole Could Talk
Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.
Monday, May 19th, 2008
s5e19: Waiting for the Right Snapper
When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.
Monday, September 22nd, 2008
s6e1: Taterhead Is Our Love Child
In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend (Rena Sofer) and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.
Monday, September 29th, 2008
s6e2: Pie Hole, Herb
Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.
Monday, October 6th, 2008
s6e3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer.
Monday, October 13th, 2008
s6e4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'
Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.
Monday, October 20th, 2008
s6e5: A Jock Strap in Hell
Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
s6e6: It's Always Nazi Week
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judith's meltdown.
Monday, November 10th, 2008
s6e7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Alan tries to get away from Judith. Meanwhile, Charlie and Herb go out on the town.
Monday, November 17th, 2008
s6e8: Pinocchio's Mouth
Charlie's new girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, which puts Charlie well outside of his comfort zone, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake initiated by Judith for mooning a group of girls.
Monday, November 24th, 2008
s6e9: The Mooch at the Boo
Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.
Monday, December 8th, 2008
s6e10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.
Monday, December 15th, 2008
s6e11: The Devil's Lube
Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways when an old friend dies and begins to feel that his time on Earth may be drawing to a close.
Monday, January 12th, 2009
s6e12: Thank God for Scoliosis
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
Monday, January 19th, 2009
s6e13: I Think You Offended Don
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
s6e14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Melissa doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom.
Monday, February 9th, 2009
s6e15: I'd Like to Start with the Cat
Charlie ends up in couples counseling.
Monday, March 2nd, 2009
s6e16: She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Monday, March 9th, 2009
s6e17: The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her
Monday, March 16th, 2009
s6e18: My Son's Enormous Head
Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.
Monday, March 30th, 2009
s6e19: The Two Finger Rule
After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.
Monday, April 13th, 2009
s6e20: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.
Monday, April 27th, 2009
s6e21: Above Exalted Cyclops
Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.
Monday, May 4th, 2009
s6e22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.
Monday, May 11th, 2009
s6e23: Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.
Monday, May 18th, 2009
s6e24: Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.
Monday, September 21st, 2009
Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.
Monday, September 28th, 2009
s7e2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation
When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.
Monday, October 5th, 2009
s7e3: Mmm, Fish. Yum.
Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.
Monday, October 12th, 2009
s7e4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.
Monday, October 19th, 2009
s7e5: For the Sake of the Child
Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
s7e6: Give Me Your Thumb
Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.
Monday, November 9th, 2009
s7e7: Untainted By Filth
Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.
Monday, November 16th, 2009
s7e8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.
Monday, November 23rd, 2009
s7e9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.
Monday, December 7th, 2009
s7e10: That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
s7e11: Warning, It's Dirty
Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, whose girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Monday, January 11th, 2010
s7e12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.
Monday, January 18th, 2010
s7e13: Yay, No Polyps!
Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.
Monday, February 1st, 2010
s7e14: Crude and Uncalled For
Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.
Monday, February 8th, 2010
s7e15: Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.
Monday, March 1st, 2010
s7e16: Tinkle Like a Princess
Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
Monday, March 8th, 2010
s7e17: I Found Your Moustache
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
Monday, March 22nd, 2010
s7e18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
Monday, April 12th, 2010
s7e19: Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.
Monday, May 10th, 2010
s7e20: I Called Him Magoo
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"
Monday, May 17th, 2010
s7e21: Gumby with a Pokey
Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.
Monday, May 24th, 2010
s7e22: This Is Not Gonna End Well
Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.
Monday, September 20th, 2010
s8e1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.
Monday, September 27th, 2010
s8e2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.
Monday, October 4th, 2010
s8e3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Monday, October 11th, 2010
s8e4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Monday, October 18th, 2010
s8e5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
Monday, October 25th, 2010
s8e6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
Monday, November 1st, 2010
s8e7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
Monday, November 8th, 2010
s8e8: Springtime on a Stick
Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell the pharmacist.
Monday, November 15th, 2010
s8e9: A Good Time in Central Africa
When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.
Monday, November 22nd, 2010
s8e10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning him.
Monday, December 6th, 2010
s8e11: Dead from the Waist Down
Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.
Monday, December 13th, 2010
s8e12: Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
Monday, January 3rd, 2011
s8e13: Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Monday, January 17th, 2011
s8e14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs
Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.
Monday, February 7th, 2011
s8e15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
Monday, February 14th, 2011
s8e16: That Darn Priest
Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.
Monday, September 19th, 2011
s9e1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Monday, September 26th, 2011
s9e2: People Who Love Peepholes
Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.
Monday, October 3rd, 2011
s9e3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food
Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
Monday, October 10th, 2011
s9e4: Nine Magic Fingers
Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
Monday, October 17th, 2011
s9e5: A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
Monday, October 24th, 2011
s9e6: The Squat and the Hover
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
Monday, October 31st, 2011
s9e7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
Monday, November 7th, 2011
s9e8: Thank You for the Intercourse
When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
Monday, November 14th, 2011
s9e9: Frodo's Headshots
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
Monday, November 21st, 2011
s9e10: A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
Monday, December 5th, 2011
s9e11: What a Lovely Landing Strip
Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
Monday, December 12th, 2011
s9e12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!
Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
Monday, January 2nd, 2012
s9e13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
Walden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
Monday, January 16th, 2012
s9e14: A Possum On Chemo
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
Monday, February 6th, 2012
s9e15: The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Monday, February 13th, 2012
s9e16: Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.
Monday, February 20th, 2012
s9e17: Not in My Mouth!
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship; Alan thinks Lyndsey may have a drinking problem.
Monday, February 27th, 2012
s9e18: The War Against Gingivitis
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Monday, March 19th, 2012
s9e19: Palmdale, Ech
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Monday, April 9th, 2012
s9e20: Grandma's Pie
Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.
Monday, April 16th, 2012
s9e21: Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
Monday, April 30th, 2012
s9e22: Why We Gave Up Women
Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
Monday, May 7th, 2012
s9e23: The Straw in My Donut Hole
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love and affection he receives upon his return from the hospital.
Monday, May 14th, 2012
s9e24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
s0e2: Jake's A Regular Kid
s0e3: Jennifer Taylor on Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer Marriage Problems
s0e4: Jon Cryer wins an Emmy for Two and a Half Men at the 2009 Primetime Emmy Awards
s0e5: Behind the Scenes
s0e6: Finding Angus
s0e7: Getting Charlie Sheen
s0e8: Jennifer Taylor
s0e9: Jon's Advice to Charlie
s0e10: Mama's Boys
s0e11: Marin Hinkle
s0e12: Two and a Half Men and CSI - Behind the Scenes Cross Over
s0e13: Two and a Half Men and CSI - Behind the Scenes Cross Over 2
s0e14: Bloopers Season 01
s0e15: Bloopers Season 02
s0e16: Bloopers Season 03
s0e17: Bloopers Season 04
s0e18: Bloopers Season 05
s0e19: Bloopers Season 06
s0e20: Bloopers Season 07
Thursday, September 27th, 2012
s10e1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk
Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.
Thursday, October 4th, 2012
s10e2: A Big Bag of Dog
Walden has a breakdown after his relationship with Zoey ends.
Thursday, October 11th, 2012
s10e3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.
Thursday, October 18th, 2012
s10e4: You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
A friend's visiting daughter makes Walden feel his age.
Thursday, October 25th, 2012
s10e5: That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
Walden ignores Alan's warnings and starts dating Rose.
Thursday, November 1st, 2012
s10e6: Ferrets, Attack
Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.
Thursday, November 8th, 2012
s10e7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard
When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.
Thursday, November 15th, 2012
s10e8: Something My Gynecologist Said
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
Thursday, November 29th, 2012
s10e9: I Scream When I Pee
Alans famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.
Thursday, December 6th, 2012
s10e10: One Nut Johnson
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
Thursday, December 13th, 2012
s10e11: Give Santa a Tail-Hole
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
Thursday, January 3rd, 2013
s10e12: Welcome to Alancrest
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
Thursday, January 10th, 2013
s10e13: Grab a Feather and Get in Line
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
Thursday, January 31st, 2013
s10e14: Run, Steven Staven! Run!
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
Thursday, February 7th, 2013
s10e15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
Thursday, February 14th, 2013
s10e16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
Thursday, February 21st, 2013
s10e17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
Thursday, March 7th, 2013
s10e18: The 9:04 from Pemberton
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
Thursday, March 14th, 2013
s10e19: Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
Thursday, April 4th, 2013
s10e20: Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
Thursday, April 25th, 2013
s10e21: Another Night with Neil Diamond
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
Thursday, May 2nd, 2013
s10e22: My Bodacious Vidalia
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
Thursday, May 9th, 2013
s10e23: Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
Thursday, September 26th, 2013
Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.
Thursday, October 3rd, 2013
s11e2: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).
Thursday, October 10th, 2013
s11e3: This Unblessed Biscuit
When Berta hurts her back at work, Alan and Walden think she should retire.
Thursday, October 17th, 2013
s11e4: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
Walden parties with Jenny and her attractive friends; Alan's illicit affair with Lyndsey is jeopardized.
Thursday, October 24th, 2013
s11e5: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.
Thursday, November 7th, 2013
s11e6: Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Alan wants to set up a date with Lynda Carter once he learns Walden knows her; Walden begrudgingly agrees to invite Lynda over for dinner.
Thursday, November 14th, 2013
s11e7: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Lyndsey's jealousy disrupts Walden's and Alan's dates with beautiful women.
Thursday, November 21st, 2013
s11e8: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
When Alan and Lyndsey's affair puts Walden in danger, he is forced to accept Rose's (Melanie Lynskey) help.
Thursday, December 5th, 2013
s11e9: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information.
Thursday, December 12th, 2013
s11e10: On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.
Thursday, January 9th, 2014
s11e12: Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.
Thursday, January 30th, 2014
s11e13: Bite Me, Supreme Court
Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.
Thursday, March 6th, 2014
s11e16: How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).
Thursday, October 30th, 2014
s12e1: The Ol' Mexican Spinach
Following a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides to reprioritize his life with Alan's help.
Thursday, April 10th, 2014
s11e19: Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).
Thursday, November 20th, 2014
s12e4: Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
Thursday, January 22nd, 2015
s12e11: For Whom the Booty Calls
Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.
Thursday, January 2nd, 2014
s11e11: Tazed In the Lady Nuts
Walden teams up with a beautiful former employee (Odette Annable) on a new project; Alan gives Jenny advice about her girlfriend (Aly Michalka).
Thursday, February 6th, 2014
s11e14: Three Fingers of Creme De Menthe
Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
Thursday, February 27th, 2014
s11e15: Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
Thursday, March 13th, 2014
s11e17: Welcome Home, Jake
Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
Thursday, April 3rd, 2014
s11e18: West Side Story
Walden's ex-girlfriend invites him to her boutique opening; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's home.
Thursday, April 24th, 2014
s11e20: Lotta Delis In Little Armenia
Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.
Thursday, May 1st, 2014
s11e21: Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
Gretchen insists that Alan reveal his true identity to Larry; Walden, Barry and Jenny go on a road trip.
Thursday, May 8th, 2014
s11e22: Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.
Thursday, November 6th, 2014
s12e2: A Chic Bar in Ibiza
When Walden asks Alan to sign a pre-nup, Alan gets offended and has second thoughts about getting married.
Thursday, November 13th, 2014
s12e3: Glamping in a Yurt
Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.
Thursday, November 27th, 2014
s12e5: Oontz, Oontz, Oontz
Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.
Thursday, December 4th, 2014
s12e6: Alan Shot a Little Girl
Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.
Thursday, December 11th, 2014
s12e7: Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.
Thursday, December 18th, 2014
s12e8: Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.
Thursday, January 8th, 2015
s12e9: Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.
Thursday, January 15th, 2015
s12e10: Here I Come, Pants!
Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
Thursday, January 29th, 2015
s12e12: A Beer Battered Rip-Off
When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.
Thursday, February 5th, 2015
s12e13: Boompa Loved His Hookers
Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.
Thursday, February 12th, 2015
s12e14: Don’t Give a Monkey a Gun
After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.
Thursday, February 19th, 2015
s12e15: Of Course He's Dead (1)
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
Thursday, February 19th, 2015
s12e16: Of Course He's Dead (2)
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?