Wednesday, September 28th, 2011
Tessa and her father experience culture shock when they move out of New York and into a house in the suburbs.
Wednesday, October 5th, 2011
2: The Barbecue
Surprised Tessa realizes she is attracted to her jock suburban neighbor; George feels pressured to throw the perfect barbecue.
Wednesday, October 12th, 2011
3: The Chatterer
When George joins the PTA, he becomes well-liked by all the moms, which has Shelia (Ana Gasteyer) feeling threatened. Meanwhile, Tessa joins the school newspaper and with some help, turns it into a tabloid-style paper.
Wednesday, October 19th, 2011
4: Don't Call Me Shirley
When Shelia's Shirley Temple doll collection is stolen, Tessa can't help but be amused, until she faces the consequences. Meanwhile, afraid of being burglarized, Dallas and Dalia stay at the Altman's house.
Wednesday, October 26th, 2011
Tessa channels her inner "suburban girl" for a Halloween costume, but it ends up spooking her friends and everyone at school since she reminds them of a recently "departed" resident of Chatswin. And George is determined to prove to Halloween-hater Dallas that being scared can be fun, but gets a scare of his own when Steven Royce (guest star Jay Mohr), Dallas' husband, finally comes home from one of his many business trips.
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011
6: Charity Case
Irritated by all the cafeteria waste at school, Tessa motivates the student body to get involved with giving back. Unfortunately their charity of choice involves helping residents of Florida improve their complexions. When Tessa introduces a homeless transsexual to the student body as part of a lesson, they decide that Tessa is really the person in need. Meanwhile George receives a large dental bill from Noah, which puts a strain on their relationship.
Wednesday, November 16th, 2011
7: Sweet Sixteen
When Tessa tells Dallas that she wants a simple get together for her sixteenth birthday, Dallas convinces her to let Dalia plan the ultimate birthday extravaganza at the country club, complete with a live performance by her favorite band, specialty drinks and go-go cages. Meanwhile George throws his back out and Sheila Shay takes it upon herself to care for him, even though George is terrified of her.
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011
Depressed that she has to spend Thanksgiving in the suburbs, Tessa convinces Dallas to take her to the city for a girls' day out. During their fun day, they run across George making out with a woman while he was supposed to be "working." Angry with George for lying to her, Tessa confronts him during the Royces' Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile Lisa refuses to wear a special dress Sheila picked out for her, so Sheila decides to literally turn up the heat.
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
9: The Nutcracker
When Tessa overhears George break up with his girlfriend, Zoe, on Skype, she blames herself for his failed relationship and decides that she's going to get them back together. Unbeknownst to her, though, George is really enamored with Tessa's cute art teacher, Aimee. He admits to Mr. Wolfe that he's over dating crazy city women, and that he's looking for love in the burbs. George decides to embrace the holiday spirit with a tree trimming party complete with ex-girlfriend, potential new girlfriend and the Royces, and he soon finds himself under the mistletoe with a special someone.
Wednesday, January 4th, 2012
10: Driving Miss Dalia
When Tessa gets her driver's license, Dalia hires her to drive her around to stalk her crush, Scott Strauss. As a result Tessa realizes that she and Scott might have feelings for each other. Meanwhile George and Noah's relationship is put to the test when George decides he wants to join the local country club.
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012
11: Out in the Burbs
When Tessa is asked to show new guy Josh Sherman around school, she becomes convinced that he's gay, when in fact he's an undercover narcotics officer. Lisa becomes deeply infatuated with Josh, and Tessa inadvertly convinces Mr. Wolfe to make special announcement to the student body. Meanwhile George re-evaluates his relationship with Dallas.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
12: The Casino Trip
When George wins an all expenses paid trip to Atlantic City, he enlists Noah, Fred, Tom and Alex, and it turns into a getaway with the guys. During their trip they run into Steven Royce (who is supposed to be in Singapore), and they help Fred cope with his gambling problem. Meanwhile Tessa tries to get some alone time with Scott Strauss.
Wednesday, February 8th, 2012
13: Sex and the Suburbs
Tessa enjoys rubbing it in Dalia's face that Scott Strause chose her over Dalia. However the closer Tessa gets to Scott, the more nervous George becomes. When George discovers a box of XXL condoms that Lisa has given Tessa, he becomes obsessed and starts planning game night with her friends in hopes of keeping her at home more. Meanwhile Tessa soon discovers that the more time she spends with Scott, the less attracted to him she is.
Wednesday, February 15th, 2012
14: The Body
When Tessa realizes that she's failing gym class, she decides to run for student body president in hopes of changing Chatswin High's obsession with sports. During the election, Lisa steps in as Tessa's campaign manager against Kenzie and Kaitlyn. Meanwhile, Ryan is injured during a wrestling match and finds himself mourned by his family, and George takes Ryan under his wing and introduces him to people who have moved forward from setbacks.
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012
15: Fire with Fire
When Jill turns to the newly single Dallas for inspiration and support, her marriage to Noah goes on the rocks. Meanwhile Dallas begins spending a lot of time with her hot younger boyfriend, Yoni, which causes tension with George, and Dalia befriends Lisa to get back at Tessa for dating Scott Strauss -- so Tessa decides to take action and recruits Kimantha to make Dalia jealous.
Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
16: Poetic Injustice
When Fred and Sheila strike up a croquet match with Dallas and George, Fred misreads Sheila's interest in George. Fred tells George that Sheila is fantasizing about him and asks him to seduce her. Meanwhile Tessa desperately wants to impress the new poetry teacher, Ms. Evans, but she seems to prefer Dalia's prose.
Wednesday, March 14th, 2012
17: Independence Day
When George picks Tessa up late from school she decides to get a job working for Dallas in order to buy her own wheels. Meanwhile Dallas invites her sorority sisters to stay with her in order to celebrate the opening of her store, A Crystal Cup of Crystals; however her rival sorority sister, Tulsa, decides to crash the party.
Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
18: Down Time
When Dallas's divorce is finalized, George becomes concerned and includes her in a shopping trip with Noah to buy a new mattress. Meanwhile Dalia makes a breakthrough in therapy with her psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Rohl (James Lipton), Lisa and Malik try to set up Tessa, and Ryan takes Tessa on a date.
Wednesday, April 18th, 2012
19: Entering Eden
George begins dating Eden (Alicia Silverstone), a woman he met at the town's farmer's market. Tessa helps Dalia find her missing dog.
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012
20: Hear No Evil
As George and Eden's relationship gets serious, he decides to introduce her to Tessa, who is preoccupied with her job at Crystal Cup of Crystals. Meanwhile, George and Noah make a deal regarding George's relationship boundaries with Eden, and Eden is overwhelmed by Sheila's meddling and the Werners' overprotective behavior.
Wednesday, May 9th, 2012
21: The Great Compromise
While Tessa tries to adjust to living with Eden, George takes issue with Eden's parenting; Lisa and Malik consider which camp they should attend.
Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
22: The Motherload
Tessa feels a void as Chatswin celebrates mothers; Dalia goes to Israel without Dallas; Eden reacts to a baby shower's theme.
Wednesday, October 17th, 2012
Tessa returns to Chatswin after spending summer with her grandmother; George finds Tessa's renewed interest in her mother threatening; Tessa signs up for the Fall Follies; Noah and Dallas compete for Carmen.
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012
2: The Witch of East Chatswin
When Tessa convinces Dalia and her friends to think up feminist-inspired Halloween costumes, she attracts the attention of the Chatswin witch; Noah and George dress as each other; George misunderstands when Dallas asks him out.
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012
3: Ryan's Song
Feeling guilty about keeping the truth from Ryan, Lisa agrees to help him with Tessa; Dallas invites her life coach along on her first date with George; Tessa baby-sits with Opus.
Wednesday, November 7th, 2012
4: Foam Finger
When Dalia abandons her friends Kimantha, Kenzie and Kaitlyn to hang out with her father's fiancee, her former pals turn to Lisa and Tessa; George and Dallas take their relationship to the next level.
Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
5: The Wishbone
Tessa decides to spend Thanksgiving in the city with her mom and grandmother; George hosts Thanksgiving dinner for Dallas.
Wednesday, November 28th, 2012
6: Friendship Fish
George starts to feel comfortable in the suburbs after Dallas gives him a makeover; while Malik is away for a couple days, Lisa decides to spend every minute with Tessa.
Wednesday, December 5th, 2012
George assumes that Tessa will be thrilled to go on an excursion with her mother in New York, but Tessa finds herself missing Chatswin and her father; the Shay family is thrown into turmoil when Ryan finds out he was adopted.
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
8: Black Thai
When Dalia receives a new car after PSAT results are released, Tessa becomes obsessed with finding out Dalia's score; Jill and Noah ask Mr. Wolfe to tutor their baby.
Wednesday, January 16th, 2013
9: Junior Secretary's Day
George has to manage Tessa's recovery after her wisdom teeth are removed and deal with Fred Shay, who has moved into their basement after a career setback; Dallas is insecure about her relationship with George.
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013
10: Chinese Chicken
George starts to feel stifled when Dallas' efforts to promote his business go overboard; Tessa learns what life is like as a football player's girlfriend.
Wednesday, January 30th, 2013
11: Yakult Leader
When Yakult feels depressed, Dallas asks Yoni (Wilmer Valderrama) for help; the Shays ask Tessa to set Lisa up on a date.
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013
12: Body Talk
When Dallas learns part of her property is in East Chatswin, the country club kicks her out and Dalia must switch schools; Tessa becomes a producer on the Chatswin High TV show.
Wednesday, February 13th, 2013
13: Blowtox and Burlap
Tessa brings Ryan to an art house movie on Valentine's Day; a visit from Sheila's mother creates friction; when Dallas has a bad reaction to a cosmetic procedure, George is left solo during an 18-course dinner.
Wednesday, February 20th, 2013
14: T-Ball & Sympathy
Tessa starts dispensing relationship advice, even to people who don't ask for it; George and Dallas coach a T-ball team.
Wednesday, February 27th, 2013
15: Leaving Chatswin
George is deeply affected when Marty passes away; after learning that Ryan has been dishonest, Tessa considers the future of their relationship and her plans for college.
Wednesday, March 6th, 2013
16: How to Be a Baby
Dalia tries to help Mr. Wolfe recover from his breakup with chef Alan; George and Dallas are caught in the crossfire when Noah becomes convinced that Carmen is the love of his life.
Wednesday, March 20th, 2013
17: Eat, Pray, Eat
When Dallas fears she will never compare to Alex, George's ex, she seeks solace in Jill Werner -- and carbs; Tessa thinks she has lost her youthful vigor; Noah uncovers a secret about his psychiatrist.
Wednesday, March 27th, 2013
18: Brown Trembler
After Noah's divorce, George offers him and Opus a place to stay until they get back on their feet; Dallas realizes that Dalia is a hoarder; Fred asks Tessa to help him land his dream job.
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013
George's newfound obsession with his body image alienates Dallas; Lisa figures out why Dalia is being nice to Tessa.
Wednesday, April 10th, 2013
20: Go, Gamblers!
Tessa helps Ryan choose a college; George asks Dallas to move in with him; Sheila sells George's house.
Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
22: Stray Dogs
Sheila talks Mr. Wolfe into throwing a chastity ball at the high school; George buys Dallas her dream house.
Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
21: Apocalypse Meow
Dallas helps George tell Tessa that he has sold their house; when Dalia tries to make Tessa miserable, Tessa seeks revenge.
Wednesday, January 15th, 2014
1: No Me Gusta, Mami
George hopes to rebuild his relationship with Tessa; upset about George and Dallas' breakup, Dalia shuns her mother.
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014
2: Victor Ha
Affected by empty-nest syndrome, Fred and Sheila take in a foster child; Tessa tries to disrupt George and Dalia's friendship.
Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
3: Open Door Policy
When George lets himself go after the breakup, a worried Tessa calls on George's dad for help; Tessa learns Ryan will be bringing his new girlfriend home.
Wednesday, February 5th, 2014
4: The Birds and the Biederman
Tess and Dahlia negotiate George's and Dallas' territories in Chatswin; Tessa notices Lisa spending time with Ryan's girlfriend; Fred thinks Sheila is distancing herself.
Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
5: Blame It on the Rain Stick
George is stunned by how much a court-mandated anger management program changes Noah; Tessa meets a cool band in the park.
Wednesday, March 5th, 2014
6: About a Boy-Yoi-Yoing
When Tessa is forced to remind George to not get sucked into Chatswin culture, he decides to take a trip to the city with Fred; Tessa reveals what she thinks of Evan.
Wednesday, March 12th, 2014
7: I'm Just Not That Into Me
Tessa becomes enamored with the male version of herself she meets at a college party; a matchmaker inspires Dallas to transform her look.
Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
8: Catch and Release
Tessa asks for advice when Lisa decides to propose to Malik; George believes that Nora may be rude to her employees.
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014
9: The Ballad of Piggy Duckworth
Dallas asks Tessa to go to her mother's funeral with her; Fred gets a stalker.
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
10: No, You Can't Sit with Us
Tessa decides to mentor young social outcast in the Miss Chatswin pageant to make a statement; Victor goes missing while on a camping trip with George, Noah and Fred.
Wednesday, April 30th, 2014
11: Dalia Nicole Smith
When Dalia is rejected from the only college she applied to, Dallas is determined to help her daughter find her calling; George and Tessa go on a double date.
Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
12: Les Lucioles
Tessa struggles with the budget while planning Lisa and Malik's wedding; June warns Tessa to stay away from Ryan; Malik turns to George when his family decides to boycott the wedding; Sheila gives Lisa advice.
Wednesday, May 14th, 2014
13: Stiiiiiiill Horny
When Tessa joins a knitting circle, the age of her new friends surprises George; George writes a song dedicated to his muse; Malik and Lisa bicker.