1: Making Dilbert Work
The making of Dilbert
2: Dogbert Speaks
5: Catbert - Feline Or Pure Devil
3: You're Not The Boss Of Me
4: Marketing or Felonious Activity - You Decide
Monday, January 25th, 1999
1: The Name
Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Loud Howard are assigned to create a new product. Before the product is even created their Pointy-Haired Boss becomes concerned more about the name than the product itself.
Monday, February 1st, 1999
2: The Competition
Security tightens up around the company and Dilbert's project deadline is pulled up when news of the Gruntmaster 6000 project is leaked to the industry via a phantom insider (Dogbert). Dilbert is fired for being the leak. So he gets a job with the competition, Nirvana, a pleasant place to work. Until Dilbert's suggestion for creating a marketing department is implemented and spreads like a virus destroying the company. That makes Dilbert famous in his industry and gets his old job back.
Monday, February 8th, 1999
3: The Prototype
A rival engineering department is developing a prototype of their own for the Gruntmaster 6000. Headed by the legendary Lena, who is rumored to steal the ideas and heads of other engineers. She sets her sights on Dilbert.
Monday, February 15th, 1999
4: The Takeover
Using Dogbert's Get Rich or Get Out of My Way: Investing Dogbert Style book, Wally and Dilbert become majority shareholders in the company, all in the space of one morning. By the afternoon, they are elevated to sit on the board of directors. In his new position Dilbert has great plans to make a great place to work.
Monday, February 22nd, 1999
The Gruntmaster 6000 prototype is ready for the frustrating stage of its development, testing. Legendary tester, Bob Bastard is assigned to the project and puts the prototype through a variety of unrealistic tests that the team must design their product to withstand. Meanwhile, Dogbert joins the space program and learns government secrets.
Monday, March 1st, 1999
6: Elbonian Trip
Dilbert and the project team travel to the country of Elbonia, where the Gruntmaster 6000 is to be manufactured. In the right-handed country, left-handed Dilbert is put to work in the abysmal conditions of the factory's production line, so he does the only thing he can, he tries to unionize the left-handed labor force. Meanwhile, Dogbert enjoys diplomatic immunity, a naked Wally enjoys the mud of Elbonia, Alice gets in touch with her maternal instincts and the Pointy-Haired Boss enjoys his vacation only he doesn't know it's Elbonia.
Monday, March 22nd, 1999
7: Tower of Babel
Dilbert gets over his illness, but the rest off the staff in the entire building gets ill, the ones that don't die begin mutating. When upper management commissions the building of the new office space, Dilbert volunteers to oversee the operation, on the condition that he gets his own office with a door. A nicely designed office space turns ugly, when Dilbert must try to incorporate the demands of the mutated employees, whose only real concern is that they don't sit by the boss.
Monday, April 5th, 1999
8: Little People
Dilbert discovers that someone has been using his computer to access dwarf pornography on the Internet. He is summoned to appear before the evil HR director, Mr. Catbert and forced to sign a confession. Also the office's supply of dry erase markers is missing. Dilbert discovers the culprits are group of former employees who have been "downsized", literally and are addicted to the smell of dry erase markers.
Wednesday, April 21st, 1999
9: The Knack
When Dilbert sips from the cup of management, he loses "the knack" that makes him a great engineer. In denial of his situation, he engineers a satellite project that goes wrong and takes out all communications and power, sending the world back into the dark ages.
Monday, May 3rd, 1999
Dogbert and Ratbert try to decide where they are going to celebrate the new millennium. Dilbert is put in charge of the company's Y2K problem. Wally plans to scam the banks, trusting that their computer records will fail them. Wally may be the key to "Black Betty", the old mainframe that still runs the whole company. The Evil HR director, Catbert, begrudgingly offers the team assistance in the help of some hypnosis books to recover Wally's memories of when he helped install the mainframe. He also offers additional support in the form "Misfits and Losers" such as: The Useless Guy, Ted the Generic Guy and Zimbu the Monkey.
Monday, May 10th, 1999
Dilbert feels charitable but he is also critical of where the money actually goes. When he badmouths the charity carnival, the Pointy-Haired Boss puts him in charge of it. Dilbert is also critical of Alice's morality, which sends her into a tailspin that makes her homeless. Soon the office is overrun with organizations looking for donations, including urchins collecting for Dogbert's "Canine Apathy" charity. Dilbert makes some comments at a charity dinner that makes everyone there no longer feel like giving.
Monday, May 17th, 1999
Dilbert goes up against Dick from procurement and the plethora of holidays that get in the way of any work being done. Dogbert's solution to the holiday problem is to lobby Congress to eliminate all national holidays in favor of "Dogbert Day", which they do.
Monday, May 24th, 1999
The Pointy-Haired Boss appears in an infomercial for the Gruntmaster 6000, but the head injury he suffers during the taping makes him a singing psychic. Dilbert says it's too early for an infomercial, as they haven't done any testing of the new version with its Graviton generator. The Pointy-Haired Boss informs him that they've sent the only prototype for consumer testing to a typical family in Squiddler's Patch, Texas. When the Gruntmaster is activated a black hole is formed.
Tuesday, November 2nd, 1999
1: The Gift
Dilbert searches for a birthday gift for his mother. In desperation he confronts his greatest fear, going to the mall. The mall holds bad memories for Dilbert, because as a child he went to the mall with his father, only to be left lost and abandoned when his father became obsessed with the "All You Can Eat" special at one of the mall's restaurants.
Tuesday, November 9th, 1999
2: The Shroud of Wally
Dilbert has a near death experience and tries to get his benefits reinstated. He also searches for the meaning of it all, is the afterlife really just another cubicle? Meanwhile, through a bizarre accident, a group of multi-level marketing students begin to worship Wally.
Tuesday, November 16th, 1999
The Pointy-Haired Boss looks to the world of art as an opportunity to exploit. Dilbert is assigned the task of creating art. His research indicates that the public would like to see a blue duck, so he creates one on his computer and it takes the art world by storm to the point where it is destroyed. Dilbert is captured and taken to see the head of the five families of art, Leonardo da Vinci. Da Vinci knows the only the solution to the problem is to make the blue duck uncool; fortunately the Pointy-Haired Boss unknowingly implements the solution.
Tuesday, November 23rd, 1999
4: The Trial
Dilbert is the only one in the company with a life so boring that his blood is safe for donating, so they take a few pints. One of the pints is thrown out the window and is used to put Dilbert in jail for the murder of a group of Nobel Prize winners, while the real culprit is the ever-oblivious Pointy-Haired Boss. While in prison, Dilbert makes numerous process improvements and Alice gets married to death row inmates.
Tuesday, December 7th, 1999
5: The Dupey
The company has been creating a buzz in the market place about something called a "Dupey". Dilbert is put in charge of creating this new sensation. He is successful in the task, but the resulting creation evolves and takes on a life of its own. Meanwhile, Dogbert runs a baby assertiveness seminar.
Tuesday, January 18th, 2000
6: The Security Guard
Dilbert and the building security guard get into a discussion that results in them betting that they could do each other's job for a day. Each does a credible job in each other's position, but Dilbert's chance to win the bet is in jeopardy when Wally's side project of running various office pools turns the office into a casino. Just in time for Alice to show some young girls what it is like to work in an engineering office. Dogbert shows the girls the finer points of card counting.
Tuesday, January 25th, 2000
7: The Merger
The Pointy-Haired Boss is convinced their company needs to merge with another company to help them spend their excess money and as a bonus gain some "Synergy". Dogbert is hired as a merger consultant to help them seek a company that they can merge with. Dogbert, Dilbert and the Pointy-Haired Boss go out to a bar where CEO's hang out called Senor Management and when the bar closes they find only one CEO left that they can merge with, the CEO of an alien corporation called "Brainsuck Industries". To stop the merger that is breaking up "his family", Dilbert figures out how to stop the merger with some help from marketing.
Tuesday, February 1st, 2000
Dilbert is working a new food source called the "tomeato" that may end world hunger. Marketing dismisses the idea, but Dilbert sells them on the idea of trying the product in what he believes is the famine-ridden country of Elbonia. To get there Dilbert is forced to visit the trolls in accounting to get his travel budget increased. In Elbonia the "tomeato" is planted and begins to grow quickly in the Elbonian mud. Unfortunately this throws Elbonia into a famine, since the mud was their food source. In addition, exposed to the air to long, the "tomeato" can become explosive, so Elbonia jumpstarts its economy by turning the "tomeato" into bombs. To get the Elbonians to eat the "tomeato" Dogbert calls in a force that cannot be denied, Dilmom.
Tuesday, February 8th, 2000
9: The Off-Site Meeting
Dilbert's already noisy neighbors compound things when they get an elephant. They also have a habitat built for the elephant, which is a large tree house that is located directly over Dilbert's roof. The "Tree Lover Society" is suing the company and the Pointy-Haired Boss wants to have an off-site meeting with the only member of this society, Elmer Oakley. It is decided the meeting will be held at Dilbert's house. As host of the meeting, Dilbert tries to get his placed prepared for the scrutiny of his co-workers. Meanwhile, Dogbert goes off to create a puppet government and later looting national treasures. When everything goes wrong, it is up to Dogbert to set everything right.
Tuesday, February 15th, 2000
10: The Assistant
Dilbert meets an old co-worker who, despite being an incompetent engineer, has made it big working for another company. As a result the engineers find out there are other opportunities out there. Upper management decides to promote one of the engineers, to make the others think they might still have a chance at a career path. Dilbert is promoted and given an assistant. Wally is intrigued by the concept of engineering jobs in the outside world. Jealous of Dilbert, Alice convinces Catbert to make Asok her assistant. Then Alice goes into competition with Dilbert, assistant versus assistant.
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2000
11: The Return
Dilbert buys a new computer over the Internet. He has it sent to work so that he can show it off, but the package that the Pointy-Haired Boss signs for, is not what Dilbert ordered. Dilbert tries to complain, but finds out that his own company provides the support for Comp-U-Comp's complaint line. Dilbert finds out where Comp-U-Comp is located and goes to complain to whoever's in charge. Comp-U-Comp is a company that is runs by a computer that also runs the world. Comp-U-Comp challenges Dilbert to games of chess, badminton and Scrabble to get his replacement computer; but as usual, it's up to Dogbert to save the day when he finds the guy who guards Comp-U-Comp's plug.
Tuesday, May 30th, 2000
12: The Virtual Employee
The engineers hear that there is an unused cube to be had. They discover its location and lay claim to it, before marketing can get a hold of it. To ensure that they don't lose this precious commodity, they quickly create an employee named Todd as a new employee and the cube's occupant. Word quickly spreads about this great new employee and soon Todd is made the engineering project head. So Dilbert and Alice find that they must do Todd's work in addition to their own and the Wally's When Catbert can't find any record of Todd, the engineers create an employee file for Todd. Catbert counteracts by instituting a rating system, which means that while Todd is the highest performer in the group, Wally is classified as "Retard", which gets him fired. The engineers decide they need to kill Todd. The Pointy-Haired boss overhears this and the engineering team is arrested and it's up to Dogbert and Wally to save the day.
Tuesday, June 6th, 2000
13: Pregnancy (1)
Dilbert creates a model rocket that he plans to send into space to search for intelligent life. Ratbert sets it off and the rocket travels into space and collects alien DNA, and when it returns to earth it also picks up samples of hillbilly, robot, cow and engineer DNA. The rocket deposits the results of its search in Dilbert, who subsequently beings showing signs of becoming female, as he has become pregnant. Meanwhile, the company gets a new HMO, which is contained within an Italian restaurant.
Tuesday, June 13th, 2000
14: The Delivery (2)
Dilbert reviews the results of his "ultrasound", and he demands a second opinion. He discovers he is not going to get any benefits. So he tries to sell his story to make money to cover his benefits. The media circus begins and a custody battle is staged, with Judge 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin presiding. The hillbilly, the billionaire, the cow, the robot and the engineers fight for the custody of Dilbert's unborn baby. When the verdict comes in, Dogbert executes plan B, which involves Dilbert's escape and delivery of the baby, eventually to the planet Krypton.
Tuesday, July 11th, 2000
15: Company Picnic
It's time for the company picnic and the annual softball game between the Marketing Gurus and the Crapulets from engineering. Dogbert is brought in as their player/coach and Dilbert is designated as pitcher. Dilbert meets Juliet from the marketing department, which causes him to worry about his out of office attire. Meanwhile, the Pointy-Haired Boss gets a deal on wieners, which ultimately gives everyone on the marketing team food poisoning. So Dilbert, for the first time in his life, makes it to second base; but thwarts himself with food poisoning.
Tuesday, July 18th, 2000
16: The Fact
Dogbert "writes" a new book on "Chronic Cubicle Syndrome: If You Think You've Got It, You've Got It" becomes a best seller. The Pointy-Haired Boss sees this as a market opportunity for the company to come up with a new product. Dilbert is put in charge of developing the product that will fight this dreaded affliction that is after they find some "favorable facts" that will justify their product. Meanwhile, Dogbert begins marketing his "Secret Juice Formula" which is believed to help fight the symptoms of "Chronic Cubicle Syndrome". Dilbert struggles to develop a product to combat a condition that doesn't exist, but eventually he hits upon the idea for "Shock Pants". Of course marketing decides that the voltage on these pants should be turned up and people are getting hurt. With the threat of lawsuits pending Dilbert is going to be made a scapegoat unless he can come up another use for the product and target a different market. After all, it's all about marketing.
Tuesday, July 25th, 2000
Because they've come under scrutiny for unethical business practices, the company sends the employees for mandatory ethics training. Of course management, the major ethics violators, doesn't have to attend. Instead they are out deciding who is going to get the next major contract. The Pointy-Haired Boss agrees to take the "Internet Voting Network" contract and Dilbert is made the project lead. Of course such a voting system could easily be violated, so when the special interests groups find out that Dilbert can't be bought with money, they hire an alternative that just might work, a woman. Dilbert faces the ethical dilemma of selling out his integrity for the chance that he might get together with a real woman. Searching for an ethical answer to this dilemma, Dilbert (via the Garbage Man) consults Ben Franklin. He sticks to his principals and the election is held, although some kid hackers get Harry Ass McGee on the ballot. The results of the election are meaningless anyway, as the Secret Ruling Class (of which Dogbert and Ben Franklin are members) still decide the result of the election.